When Someone You Love Is Grieving

You don't need the perfect words. You just need to know how to be there.

When someone you love is grieving, it can be hard to know what to say or do. You may worry about saying the wrong thing. You may want to make things better, even when you know you can't.

Grief is not a problem you have to solve.

Sometimes the best way to understand what a grieving person may need is to listen to the person living it.

So, from someone who has lived with grief for a very long time, this is what I would want you to know.

Listen More Than You Speak

You don't need perfect words.

Listen to understand me, not to quickly respond to me.

Listen to my stories.
Listen to my silence.
Listen to my tears.

You don't have to fix what I'm feeling. Sometimes I just need someone willing to hear it.

Remember My Loved One

Please don't be afraid to say their name.

Tell me your stories.
Share a photo.
Say, “I was thinking of them today.”

You are not reminding me that they died.

I haven't forgotten.

You are reminding me that they lived. That they mattered to you, too.

Give My Grief Time

Some days I may laugh.

Some days I may cry.

Some days I may do both within the same hour.

There is no schedule for this.

Please don't measure how I'm doing by how much time has passed or expect me to become who I was before.

Loss changes things.

So does time.

I'm learning what life looks like now.

Show Up

You don't need a grand gesture.

A text.
A meal.
A walk.
Sitting beside me.
Remembering an important date.
Checking on me when everyone else has gone back to their lives.

Small things can matter more than you know.

Most of All...

Stay beside me.

You don't have to lead me through this.

You don't have to pull me out of it.

You don't need to know exactly what to say.

Listen when I need to talk.

Sit with me when I don't.

Remember the person I love.

And keep showing up.

That is how you can help me.