When Grief Shows Up on Special Days

The holidays can be some of the hardest days after loss.

The empty chair at the table can feel louder than all the laughter around it.

You set out the plates.

You prepare favorite recipes.

You hear familiar songs.

And all the while, your heart notices who should be there.

There is no right way to experience these days.

Maybe you want to celebrate.

Maybe you want to change some traditions.

Maybe you want to keep them exactly as they were.

Or maybe you don't want to do any of those things.

You Can Create a Memory Jar

A Memory Jar can give the people around your table a way to share memories of the person who is missing.

Place an empty jar on the table.

Invite family and friends to write down a favorite memory, a funny story, or something they miss about the person who is gone.

Those who want to can read their memories out loud.

Fold the notes and place them inside the jar.

You can return to them during special times, save them for another day, or open them one by one throughout the year.

Sometimes there will be tears.

Sometimes there will be laughter.

Sometimes there will be both.

And sometimes there will simply be an empty chair that everyone knows should be filled.

The Memory Jar doesn't change who is missing.

It holds some of what remains:

Love.

Stories.

Laughter.

Memories.

On special days, grief and love can be present at the same table.